The happy chocolate monster
I went to the kitchen “Aahh I’m so hungry Mum” “Here have some chocolate then”...Then the chocolate ran away come I said ‘Come back chocolate’ but too late...
The next day we went to the BIG chocolate factory. I bought the same chocolate. Then I went home. When I opened the pack the chocolate was there it was the same chocolate as before Then it said...’DO NOT EAT ME PLEASE’
Then I... no I will not eat you the chocolate was so, so happy. Then he ran away saying ‘good bye’
Then I said ‘good bye’.
By Aaron
Hi Aaron and thanks for taking part in the 100wc! I enjoyed reading your story, although I felt a bit sorry for the chocolate - I wonder if all chocolate has feelings?
ReplyDeleteOne way to improve is to check your punctuation before you publish - can you spot any that is missing?
Keep on blogging, Aaron!
Mr K :-)
www.ashclass2012-13.blogspot.com
To Aaron
ReplyDeleteI like how you said that I went to the kitchen “Aahh I’m so hungry Mum” “Here have some chocolate then”...Then the chocolate ran away come I said ‘Come back chocolate’ but too late...
The next day we went to the BIG chocolate factory.
Next time you could use some verbs.
From Makayla:)