One day a boy named Aaron saw that the sun was going down then something evil happened! Zombies and Creepers started to appear and the Zombies started to attack. The Creepers were blowing things up ssiiis BOOM! I grabbed my sword it was made of DIAMONDS! I started to kill some Creepers and Zombies then I saw a secret lair there was the BOSS ZOMBIE.I killed him I used the controls to stop Zombies and Creepers appearing. There were lots of Zombies and Creepers still alive but then something big happened...
… as the sun came out …
The Zombies and Creepers died. The end
By Aaron
To Aaron,
ReplyDeleteI like how you have used the prompt and the sun came out at the end to create suspense. I want to know what happened next now. Did all the zombies and creepers disappear because they didn't like the sun? Don't forget to use full stops in your writing Aaron. 'I started to kill some Creepers and Zombies then I saw a secret lair there was the BOSS ZOMBIE I killed him I used the controls to stop Zombies and Creepers appearing.' This is a very long sentence and I would probably turn it into three sentences. Can you find where I would put the full stops?
I also like how you have described your sword as being made from diamonds.
From Mrs Head
To Mrs Head
DeleteI changed my 100WC and found where I needed fullstops.
Thank you for the comment.
From Aaron
PS- :)